The power of letting go

February 7, 2013

The past few months have been full of emotional attachments to people, places and things as I prepared to let go of my home in Miami; leave my daughter and friends; and return to my childhood hometown to start over yet one more time.

Once I was able to release my emotional attachments and stories about my possessions, especially my antique Steinway piano, everything else began to fall into place, albeit this place still seems to be in another dimension, or alternate reality. *

Time for full disclosure…

Our house/home/property which was in my opinion, absolutely perfect for our family and friends, and for me, became one of the heaviest possessions I’ve ever become attached to as well as the defining factor in my life thus far. It was pretty close to my dream home. After 8 years, the yard, gardens and neighborhood were just perfect but it had become painfully obvious that I could not recover from the financial distress that is overtaking much of the world’s population and I finally just stopped trying and accepted the impending foreclosure.

On Monday, November 19th, my home was sold through the foreclosure auction process of Miami-Dade County and on Wednesday, November 21st, I left Miami and headed back to Narrowsburg, the small town in the Catskill Mountains of New York where I lived as a child. My sister and Mother are living there in the home we grew up in and my Mom has had multiple strokes and needs around the clock care. My sister has her own business and I could be helpful to both of them, plus the obvious, I’d be damn close to homeless in Miami under the present circumstances. So… I sold everything that I could, gave away even more, packed my Honda mini van to the roof complete with 5 furry felines and all of the art and supplies I could jam into the van and at 12:06 pm pulled out of my driveway and did not look back.

My eyes were filled with tears and I had to stop frequently because I was sobbing and could not see through the tears. I managed to make it to Jacksonville that first day, and already, the mechanical challenges of Mercury retrograde had alternate plans for me. My intention was to drive for 3-4 days and get to my destination safely and without delays. The reality is, it took me a full week to make the trip due to multiple mechanical problems with the van and the consequent delays in getting parts.

*(note: I started writing this post on Dec. 1 and emotionally, was not yet ready to share because the emotional chaos, depression, and shame were too raw. As I progress in the new version of my life, the painful stuff is fading and easier to share. I’ll continue with a bit more of this story in hopes it may help others in the chaos of the financial manipulation of our lives. And I do believe that while I am ultimately responsible for my choices, I was/we all, are victims of predatory lending strategies.

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